I have quite a lot in my head lately,not sure if it's pms that have me thinking this much, or i simply understand things more! i bet it's the latter!
Had the most meaningful talk with san today. I am glad we had this talk, this is like the best decision ever to go out with her today! She talked to me about life, and we talked about how our friendship has evolved over these 3 years. I feel bad for not making an effort to stay this close with her! We talked about how i cried over the fact that we could not live in the same hall anymore. I used to be so dependent on her, but last year when i met a good bunch of floor people, i did not realize how i got used to not having her by my side as often anymore. it's really weird what time can do. We can easily replace an important person/thing that you once thought worth the whole world. Well somehow, it's hidden somewhere in your mind till the one crucial thing/event that spill them all out again.
And you know what's the worst thing? is that she could feel it too and decided to accept me for who i am and did not utter a single word/confront me (like what miss teo would have done haha). sorry san, next year we gonna make extra effort ok! it feels like i got a long lost friend back, and i am going to appreciate it this time =)
It's like how 8 linai works, the fact that we're scattered at the different part of the world has in fact sumhow deter us to meet/talk everyday. But when we get together, nothing stays between us! and like how i always go to chao tung when i finish my exams/tests. He is not my closest friend, but i think it's because we left the country together, there's a special mutual understanding between us. and that he understands me, he listens to me, and most importantly, he is here in nz with me.
Had another serious talk with yoshi too when we went out to hunt for desert the other day. I have never realized how much he treasure me as his close friend and alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll i think is that i am just one of his hall friends. and he got so upset for not receiving a single text from me when he's sick. a simple act like that can be missed you see. T.T
And also how you change your perception completely when you get to know that person better, as time goes by. I used to hate josh balhorn so much, but now he texted me when i was sick, and i got him a cake for his birthday. HAHA =.= and how i got to know Kit is an emo kid despite his really carefree music man look , how me and ashley decided to have midnight snack to talk about this enemy that he and me despise! LOL... AND HOW CHARLES LAUGH AT MY MALAYSIAN ACCENTS EVERYTIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I TALK! =.= Sometimes i wonder when did we start teasing each other and get on each others' nerve!
Again, there is this one night that i felt lonely. You can go to any friends, but not so easy when you only feel like talking to someone mature enough to understand you, caring enough to listen to you, and simply being there for you. I could not find the girls, cheng was out with her bf, andrea was with her friend, vian was at a church gathering, san wasnt replying my text, jia was sick.. okay, the only guy i feel like talking to was leceh and we talked for 1 hour over the phone. i felt so much better but still i need to actually talk to someone here in nz together with me too! i called home eventually, not a good idea cuz i was drowned in homesick for the rest of the night.. =.=
my point is.. what a good friend can do for you is really depending on the situation. i can be there for you when you need me, but i cant be always waiting for you to turn to me. i do not blame anyone who cant be there for me when i needed someone. so please understand that i do not live for youuuuu, i have my own life, and i have my right to choose to be someone else's angel.
Having said that, i myself have problems deciding what to do. i guess i am thinking too much. haha. leceh said he could not understand what i wrote, and me neither. i guess i really want to say.. having friends who can understand you and be with you 'no matter what' is really truly blessed. As easy as it may sound, i dont think 'no matter what' is possible, according to nigel apparently. And not to get upset with someone you care so much is not possible, ever, not at the slightest bit. The more you give, the more you expect in return. DONT SAY YOU DONT MIND, because you do. hmm, am i lucky then to have found this one person that expect the least from me?
Spent the second half of my day with vian and andrea. These two kids cracked me up. And we kept accusing of vian telling lies. Suddenly i feel sad that i am not going to see them often next year as cheng and me are gonna stay somewhere further. hmm,feel sorry to cheng cuz she has to put up with the location, apparently it is wayyyyy more convenient for me. But anyway, i shall not let the history repeat itself. We must have gathering at least once in two weeks!
Parcel from yuko definitely reminds me of how wonderful it is to have someone mature than you to listen to you. i miss her laughter, i miss the time when we spent the night talking about her past and she cried. sigh. why do we have to stay apart from alll our close friends? why cant japan be located at queen street, why cant Kristian stay here for a 4-year-program instead of just a year exchange program, why cant claire be the RA of ororke instead of international house, why cant 8 li nai study in auckland together, why is there no auckland uni in terengganu, why cant the time stops and reverses back to winter time where i met amanda and tara in sydney and why not to last year, why not to the time when we were in intec with my 4-in-lovey, why not to form 5 the drama competition!
okay definitely a sign of pms.
On a brighter note, I..A..M..G..O..I..N..G..H..O..M..E..I..N..A..M..O..N..T..H..!!!!
hmm, i started it so randomly, and i am ending this abruptly. Simply because i have been out whole day i am so dizzy and tired. but i really wanna jot this down.
so, does it mean... this is another emo post? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. meh, going to sleep.
